How do you define “romance” and does it match your partner’s definition? That’s the key question.
It’s funny. I overheard a couple of ladies chatting recently. One was lamenting that her husband was always surprising her with last minute getaways which drove her crazy. He just expected her to drop everything and go. Her girlfriend replied that she’d love it if her husband did the same. It’s all a matter of perspective. Some of us are lucky enough to have a partner with a similar “Love Language”, others not so much. But it is still love and it’s their way of showing it.
For those of you not familiar with the Five Love Languages here’s a very brief explanation. The concept is that everyone has a preferred way of showing and receiving love.
Acts of Service: Actions speak louder than words. You feel best loved when your partner takes care of you and makes your life easier by helping out with everyday chores.
Quality Time: These people feel best loved when they know their partner listens to and understands them. Makes them a priority.
Physical Touch: Hand-holding, hugs, kissing and touching are heart and soul to these people. Not only in the bedroom but as a part of everyday life.
Receiving Gifts: Some feel most loved by receiving thoughtful and insightful gifts. This is not based on materialism but in fact in knowing that their partner was thinking of them.
Words of Affirmation: Be their cheerleader. Be their support. Be in their corner. A heartfelt “I love you” means everything.
Now you can imagine the confusion when a woman complains that her husband never spends any alone time with her because he’s always busy fixing her car or working on the house. His “Acts of Service” conflicts with her need for “Quality Time”.
Reconnecting with each other is crucial to understanding where the mis-communication exists. Re-kindling those romantic feelings that were so prevalent in the beginning starts with a plan to make each other a priority. Relaxation allows you to put new behaviours into practice.